#I just wish I could have better friends and better people in my life

[indexthejester]

01: meh I think. Getting better I suppose.

02: My friend, we say it when ending calls

03: far too much. Sometimes it hits me like a bullet to the chest. Feels like the metal ball in my brain pinballs into a bumper that gives negative points.

04: no definitely not <- she lied

05: single and looking for friends which may turn into queerplatonic relations. Not that I'm crossing my fingers.

06: slowly and calmly enough to analyze the way it feels to die, but not too peacefully that it's otherwise uninteresting.

07: Zaxby's chicken strips

08: tried a few. Not my thing. Except tennis, I liked that one. Not sure if snowboarding counts but I like that too.

09: Yes I do it sucks.

10: never had one, unless wrestling counts

11: I like many people. I love them too. I suppose I have a crush on people that I relate too, especially if I find them interesting. I want to know every part of them intimately. To drink it all in.

12: yes

13: I don't think so, I try not to. I don't think it's very useful for solving my or the world's problems, and it makes me feel pretty miserable in the process.

14: probably somewhat, I'm pretty lonely most of the time so yeah almost always. I work and live better when I'm with someone I like. Whether talking or just present in the same "space".

15: 2 family dogs, one day I'll move out and get a cat probably. Cats are great.

16: chill, minus the usual slight heartburn. Just got our of the shower and am lying in bed, getting messages from a new friend, living well.

17: no, very out of left field question

18: not really. I find them interesting though. They either look like insects or weirdly mammalian despite being neither. Weird that scorpions are more closely related.

19: nah there's nothing for me back there.

20: god I wish

21: talk to a friend and life planning

22: no, I mean I'm good with them and it's very fulfilling I just find it stressful. Right now I have so much I want to do I can't see myself adopting and settling down but maybe idk.

23: 2 for earrings

24: Math and English I suppose. Programming too if college counts

25: Maybe. Not at the moment. In recent past, it was fun to hang out at the lgbtq center in college. Sucks that I'm stuck at home now.

26: more social interaction. I may be anxious about how I reply or generally talk through textual messaging, but it makes me feel all comfy inside :3 also sleep because it is 2:36am for me rn.

27: idk

28: no

29: never had one

30: eye strain and heart burn and social anxiety.

31: I think so. I don't think it's for me to say, I try to love myself at least, though it's really hard.

32: magenta, or some other combo of purple and red. Hence the Melantha pfp. Also she's autistic.

33: yes, very much so

34: can't remember. The last one I remember was very sexual which is unusual for me.

35: cried on a call with a friend of mine I think. Just scared of the state the world's in.

36: I don't know, I don't know if I've had to

37: depends on the person I guess. Sometimes you can't do either. Just gotta learn to live with what happened.

38: So far absolutely not. But in the past 4 days I've had a lot of fun being alive. It is fun to make new friends and connect with people and have fun.

39: excluding my parents it hasn't happened

40: yes

51: chicken alphredo and chicken cordon bleu

52: I don't believe in fate, but I do believe in causality, to an extent.

53: brush my teeth I think. Maybe watch a youtube video or masterbate, though I usually do the latter as I'm falling asleep so I'm not sure if it counts.

54: I'm sure you could invent some crazy scenario where it is, but in general I think betraying your partner's trust is just about the worst thing you can do in a relationship.

55: I try not to be.

56: 0

57: when I am vulnerable and comfortable, I am filled to bursting with love for the world and everything in it. So if "true" means "pure unfiltered" then maybe yeah. Me x The Universe. Me x All My Friends.

58: bright but not too bright, grey skies, no visavle sun, chill in the air. Can move around without sweating buckets.

59: YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS

60: very much so someday. Already planning it out.

61: never had it happen to me though it seems pretty boring standard. Call me your owner, handler, mad scientist, something interesting.

62: a loving community and the ability to freely create art

63: yeah obviously

64: yeah I'm too old for that it's weird

65: what are we role-playing now? I don't know, depends on the context. (Treating "sex" as "gender" for these questions btw.)

66: no, I don't. I wouldn't call any of my friends men.

67: My father but I honestly wonder if he's not a little trans

68: like a really deep conversation? Uhh definitely @thatweirdyellowrat. Haven't felt that much mental clarity after a conversation in a long time. I would not be as happy or geared to make new friends if not for that.

69: Fuck no.

70: I think so yeah, more than one actually. Which is saying something because I value my life a lot.

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[dannitarot]

What you need to hear

This short reading will tell you what you need to hear right now. Choose the photo you’re most drawn to. Some of you may feel drawn to more than one pile.

Pile 1-> 2-> 3->4

Pile 1

You can manifest your desires. You have the ability to create the life you want. Make your desires clear and wish wisely. Some of you may doubt your ability to attract what you want. Have faith that it’ll all work out. You’re being reminded to protect your vision by not sharing it with everyone, especially people who won’t believe in you even if they may have pure intentions. Some of you have toxic relationships with friends in particular and need to cut them off. It’s OK to be alone sometimes. You need to take time to yourself to reflect on what you really want for your life in the present and for the future.

Pile 2

Whatever you’re going through, just remember that this too shall pass. Your spirit guides are assisting you through this. They are with you. You could love music and probably listen to music all the time ,singing/humming or playing an instrument(s). Listening to music could lift your spirits and make you feel better. If you have interest in learning a new instrument, now is a good time to start. I see that you will reach a goal or manifest something you really want in the wintertime. Since it’s still winter here in my hemisphere , I feel for a lot of you that it will be by the end of this winter or by next winter for the rest of you. You need to take time to heal. Don’t rush the process. Things will get better. Think positive. What you focus on grows.

Pile 3

Your spirit guides are helping you manifest your desires so wish wisely. You could have been neglecting yourself or your needs. You’re being reminded to look within. Your inner world reflects your outer world. Work on your self concept. You could start with affirmations.

Pile 4

Pay attention to the signs around you. The higher powers speak to us through signs in our environment. You could be feeling motivated to start something and you’re being encouraged to do so. If you need help, ask for it. This new endeavour for you could require group effort. For a lot of you this is could be a business.

THANKS FOR READING 🤍!

[chanranghaeys]

☀️ here, there, and everywhere

This journal belongs to: me. If found, please contact this number. (And please do not read it—unless you want to read the ramblings of a person who fails to deny their feelings for a certain someone.)

pairing: lee chan x gn!reader word count: 2.5k+ genre: fluff for (belated) happy chan day and carat day! rating: pg tags: college friends, they grew up, time skips between entries, mutual pining, happy (open) ending, stream of consciousness, excessive italics, please read the whole thing as if it were a private journal of sorts warnings: mentions of alcohol, death of a family member (brief mention, off the page)

a/n: this is a self-indulgent piece on my ultimate crush and the love of my (kpop) life, lee chan. i can’t keep denying you, so here we go. in an alternate universe, you would’ve been my best friend that i loved to hate and hated to love, until one of us finally gave in to our feelings and hoped for the best. happy birthday chan! you’ve given me nothing but color in my life ever since i became a carat. i wish you all the beautiful flower paths ahead ✨

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ masterlist . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

Dear Chan,

You must think me pathetic if you ever found one of these letters.

It sucks…this little crush I’ve discovered I have on you. And I am only saying this ONCE on the page. And to no one else. Because when you talk about a crush, it only grows, right?

So I'll just talk about it to myself.

I hate crushes because they are so unexplainable. They’re unexplainable feelings that latch on to you so hard and never let you go until you fumble and mess up and just make an utter fool of yourself.

I first found out I had a crush on you last month.

I had long admired you from afar through your dancing. You’re beautiful when you dance—in the zone, focused, bursting with energy. I’m genuinely jealous of how you can do the things you do with your body, how you tell such beautiful stories with every little move you make.

But it was that time during a production runthrough—the simultaneous evaluations—where you made that one mistake almost fatal to your team on that one sequence you spent weeks perfecting.

Yet there you were onstage, just laughing it off. So instead of your team being anxious or frustrated, they just laughed along with you.

It turned out to be the best performance of the night, your laughing played off as banter and camaraderie by the guest audiences.

That’s when I first felt the intense grip of this thing called feelings on my poor little heart.

Absolutely disgusting.

Anyway.

This “writing letters I'll never send to you” is all just for me to really process all these feelings I’ve discovered for you. No other reason aside from that. In my head, this is a form of acknowledgment so I can easily get over whatever this is.

So yeah. Feelings. A crush. On you—someone younger than me—of all people. I can’t believe it.

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

We were crossing the street when you suddenly held my hand. You did that to pull me to the other side of the road farther from the direction of the car.

“Be careful,” you said.

I shouldn’t feel special. Maybe you do this with everyone else anyway.

I hate how I can’t help but feel just a teensy bit special. Indulge me on this.

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

I hate how you’re so stubborn. I hate how you’re so passionate. I hate how you’re such an amazing dancer. If I didn’t know better, I’d be so goddamn jealous of you.

Well, maybe I already am.

But above all that, I feel so in awe of you.

I hate how amazing you are in everything you do.

I hate how you’re actually inspiring me to be a better person. Little by little.

You’re inspiring me to be more diligent, to work harder, to believe in myself and my artistry way more than I ever thought I could—even through the infinite doubts.

Because that’s what you do to me.

“You can do it!” you said. “I’ll be right in the audience cheering for you, too. Because you’re my number one supporter, I’ll also be your number one supporter.”

I hate how you’re right. Why do you always have to be right?

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

I don’t get it. I really don’t.

I don’t understand why you would do such things to me and for me.

It was such a simple and offhand remark.

“Is that a new necklace?” you asked.

“Nah,” I replied.

“It’s pretty. I don’t usually see you wearing that necklace. Where's the other one? The silver one with the daisy pendants?”

It was only because that one—my favorite one—broke and I didn’t have the time to have it fixed yet. Too busy with org scheds.

And you know what you said?

“Give it to me. I’ll have it fixed.”

What in the actual—

You didn’t have to do it, Chan.

Yet there I was, handing over my most prized possession...to you, my...friend.

You better give it back to me fixed, or else.

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

We’re in the library pretending to study for this godforsaken exam. I’ve practically given up on it.

(lol just kidding I can’t do that)

So we’re on a break. You’re sitting right in front of me, writing something down in your own notebook. Good thing the tables are a bit wide. I really wish that you won’t be able to see your name plastered on top of this page.

I never pegged you for someone who writes. In my head, I will take this as my own influence over you after my constant stories of how journaling and writing is such a simple thing that can heal you so easily and thoroughly.

Maybe my influence, and Seungkwan’s as well. At least he’s a good influence.

It was so funny, even, how you made a huge show of showcasing your little black notebook. When you opened it, I saw that it was already bookmarked at the halfway point.

So you do write. You have been writing.

Stop making my crush on you grow. Stop.

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

You were so drunk last night. I don’t think you’ll remember any of it today.

But I remember everything crystal clear.

You’ve had how many bottles of soju at that point. You slung your arm around me and leaned your head on my shoulder. Never mind how fast my heart was beating at that point. Whether from alcohol, or you know what, I will never know.

You told me, “You’re my best friend. You know that, right?”

Your best friend.

A friend.

A stake to the heart would’ve hurt less, in my opinion.

But then again, better a best friend than nothing at all.

I wish I was as drunk as you were last night. Maybe I could forget that one sentence and just carry on living as if this thing between us is nothing.

As if us holding hands the entire night last night under the guise of you “needing a steady hand to hold so you wouldn't fall because you were drunk as hell” is no indication of any thing.

Whatever this thing is.

Sincerely,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

I promised not to write anymore—believe me I tried. We’re best friends, right?

Best friends meet up for breakfast before going separate ways for the day, right?

Best friends make sure to ask if you’re home at the end of every day, right?

Best friends have random snacks or your go-to pick-me-up drink delivered to you when they know you’re having a terrible day, right?

Best friends do that, right?

Even if they’re both in separate relationships already?

I’m so confused. I shouldn’t be, but I can’t make it make sense.

Maybe it’s just me and these lingering and unresolved feelings. I hate them.

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

Thank you for meeting me as soon as I called. Thank you for holding me as my world fell apart. Thank you for comforting me even as my tears fell. Thank you for being reliable. Thank you for giving me my comfort ice cream. Thank you for helping me through this breakup even though I know you’re on the brink of your own.

Thank you for being a friend—my friend.

Thank you for always catching me whenever I fall.

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

I’m sorry about the breakup…or am I?

I’m not too sad about it, I’m sorry. I always knew they were a bit off for you. But I hope I’ve been the right kind of friend that you need right now.

Or however you need me. I'll be here for you, the same way you were for me. You know that right?

I know you held back a few tears when we were at the cafe earlier. You loved them, for sure. I know how far you go for love—that's how true your love is.

But you should've seen the look in your eyes. It tells me you’re not too too sad about it either.

Or maybe it’s just me.

Yeah, definitely just me.

Maybe it was more of me wanting to see the spark in your eyes again after you kept denying that it had been gone for so long.

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

You should've seen your face earlier. It was so…

With all of your hip-hop and R&B playlists, I never pegged you to be one to appreciate any of the oldies.

“This is my favorite Beatles song,” I said.

You immediately stopped scrolling the phone hidden behind the book reading the book in your hand to listen to “Here, There, and Everywhere” playing from the cafe's tinny speakers, straining to make it out above the chatter of the establishment.

You said you'll pull up the lyrics to read, and as you did, the smile on your face grew ever so slowly with every word that your eyes traveled to. You started to slightly bob your head to the beat while mouthing some of the lyrics as the song continued on.

Okay, fine, I was watching you. You didn't notice anyway.

“It’s a great song,” you said. You looked up with this sense of meaning in your eyes. I feel like mine had a look of question marks in them.

Your fingers danced on your phone. I’m sure you added it to one of your playlists. Well, I hope.

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

This is the last letter I’ll write. I promise.

It’s graduation tomorrow. If you give me nothing and nothing happens within the next month of tomorrow, I will stop this nonsense and maybe try to finally get over these feelings I seem to have for you.

Whatever it is.

I just…don’t think I can bring myself to do it first.

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

This is so random but you just suddenly crossed my mind. And I remembered this notebook full of so-called "unsent letters to you."

I wonder how you are and if you're doing okay. I don't know why we grew apart after graduation. I just...I don't know. I can't even think about it without my head aching.

It does kind of feel like there's a hollow void in the shape of you somewhere in my body, particularly somewhere around my chest area.

(nope, I won't say it)

I hope you're doing alright.

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

I can’t believe you came. It's been five years since we saw each other, three since we last spoke, yet you came—the person I least expected to see in the wake.

I never thought there'd be another letter but how could I not write anything?

I didn’t realize how painful and heavy it was to lose my grandfather until you hugged me. You were the first one to see my tears. You were the only one brave enough to hold my broken pieces without caring if you'd get cut by my sharp edges.

How you were able to do it even after all these years will forever be a mystery to me.

Thank you for catching me before I further shattered myself.

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

I’m still reeling from recent events.

It was so nice to see you again last night, though. Thanks for dragging me out of my apartment. It’s been so long since we went out like that, just for some frozen yogurt, which naturally turned into a few drinks because after all, it’s still the two of us together.

But good lord help me, I’m still in a daze. How can I be normal when I just dropped the biggest truth bomb of my life thus far?

I told you, “Maybe I’ve always wondered what it would be like if we ever tried before.”

But you know what you said? You know what you frickin’ said?

“I wish you told me earlier. Why didn’t you?”

Well, why didn’t you??????

I swear I could’ve combusted on the spot if I could. I swear I just said that so I could finally let go of this weight from my chest.

But you know what you did?

You walked me home. You made sure I was safe.

And then you visited this morning with coffee and breakfast to nurse the drinks from last night.

You’re just outside my room right now, sitting on my small couch, playing Beatles songs from the speakers. You’re waiting for me to finish whatever I’m doing here because you’re taking me out to see this movie I told you I wanted to watch. Why?

“We have to make up for lost time,” you said.

Chan, what are you doing? Just tell me so I know what I should do.

What do I do with you now?

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Happy Chan Day!

I hate you.

I wish you told me about your party earlier! I mean, even hours earlier, not like an hour or two right before.

Okay, I know it’s a spontaneous birthday party and all—I GET IT. But please tell your friends to at least invite your other friends beforehand? So we can also prep stuff for you, okay? I moved around so many schedules for this—for your party. How could I not?

So I hope you’ll forgive me for not preparing your gift yet. I was planning to get it in the coming days when my sched was relatively freer. Still, I’m really, truly sorry for not getting you a gift. I know you like getting gifts because you like giving them as well.

You know, it’s your birthday, yet you were the one who said something that was almost like a gift to me.

You said, “Don’t bother with the gift. As long as you’re here with me, I don’t really need anything else.”

Chan, I still hate you. I think.

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

I’ve come to the harrowing realization that I’m in love with you.

No scratch that. I love you. Throughout all these years, I’ve always loved you.

How’s that for a hit-me-with-a-firetruck realization?

Yours truly (I wish),

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Dear Chan,

Do not laugh at me. Do not be condescending. Do not dismiss me—your best friend. Do not leave me hanging. Just…do not.

When I show you this, just don’t.

Just read it.

Yours truly,

Me

— ✐ᝰ.ᐟ —

Hey, you.

If only you knew how many pages I’ve written about you. Glad to know I’m not the only one doing so.

It started on that day we were in the library. I’d already written about so many things, but that was the first time I ever wrote about you. I’ve never stopped writing since.

And even in pages full of you writing about me, I still write about you.

You’ve always been here, there, and everywhere to me.

Yours, truly and only yours,

Chan

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

NOW PLAYING: seventeen's playlist - song # 2

“To lead a better life / I need my love to be here // … // will be there and everywhere / Here, there and everywhere”

[suugarbabe]

Hi sweet sabby baby 🙈

So I want to preface this by saying, I’m new so I might have missed a similar fic if you’ve already done it. So if this is a garbo request or some such nonsense, do tell me to fuck right off to hell, ok?

I was thinking, I wonder what Enzo might do if he’s dating a whimsical!reader (or even a shy!reader?) if one of his friends (or just another housemate, whatever you wish) pokes fun at her. Even if it’s innocent/good natured. Because we know Enzo has a golden retriever energy most of the time, but is there a Rottweiler in there too? And how bad is his bite?

TLDR; protective boyfriend Enzo over his sweet whimsical/shy!gf 🫶🫶 please and thank you my love

enzo berkshire x whimsical!reader

thanks for the request my darling, hope it's okay. whimsical!reader is deff a newer territory for me with the sb boys so this was very fun to explore <3

It was one of his favorite things about you, your ability to always see the good in things. Sometimes he felt like he needed to protect you, because even in the most obvious of situations where it was quite clear people were being rude, or making fun, it was like you couldn’t see it at all. Instead you would just smile, say something outlandish or odd, and then walk away unbothered. 

Currently, he knew it was really just good natured fun; his friends teasing you. You were currently asking Mattheo if you could check his brain for wrackspurts; something you made Enzo sit through twice a week. When Mattheo started laughing Enzo could feel himself grow hot. “Mmm, yeah I think I’m good. My cousin Luna already does that involuntarily, I don’t think I need a second check.” Your smile widened as you gave him a blissful nod, “I would be very thankful to have someone like her in my family.” 

Matty’s eyebrows rose as he gave you a tight lipped smile, “Oh yeah..m’sure you’d love her.” You sat up excitedly, “Oh, yes. I’d love to be introduced!” Mattheo turned to Theo, the latter shaking his head. “I don’t think I’ll be doing that,” Matty reached over and patted your hand, “we can only have one weird person in the group at a time.” 

Immediately Enzo was enraged, standing quickly and shoving Mattheo from across the table, “Watch your fucking mouth, Riddle. You don’t get to talk to them like that!” You reached up and laced your fingers with Enzo’s, your touch alone instantly calming him down. “It’s okay, Enzie. This is just how Matty shows affection, he doesn’t really know any better.” 

“What?

“Excuse me?” 

Both Enzo and Mattheo turned to look at you in unison. Enzo raised his eyebrows, silently, and in the most polite way he could muster, asking you to continue. You gave a nonchalant shrug, “Well Matty didn’t really grow up with affection in his home so he shows that he cares about people by teasing them,” you turned to Mattheo, “which I’m completely fine with Matty, I think it’s sweet that you care about me.” 

Mattheo was slackjaw, eyes flipping from you to Enzo. Your boyfriend wore more of an impressed smirk, “You know what, angel…you’re completely right. How about we let Mattheo sit in that information, hmm?” You stood from the bench, giving Mattheo a brief wave and a smile as Enzo wrapped his arm around your shoulders. Mattheo was left sitting with Theo, chin now resting on his fist while contemplating his life.

[scrumptiousstuffs]

Hey anon here

I know I will be sounding very stupid here and as much as I love being a delulu fan but I know how the bl industry works and as for a fact the entire entertainment Business for that matter, it's about engagement and fan services, I saw almost all the couples of gmmtv put stories about their dates and how they celebrated their valantine with each other but then realistically speaking I know for a fact most of it was fan service coz no way each cp in a company is dating each other so what's your take on this whole thing, also I'm not saying they are faking it or something like if some of them are dating then that's really good but all of them it's hard to believe

Also I'm a firstkhao fan and well as much as I wanted them to post something just to feed my delulu but then they didn't and that's so them and how many chances do you think of them dating two different people is true as I saw on fan speaking about it and I know it was for fun but then why not it's their Life after all and we are just fans who live them together

Hi anon.

So, I’m not going to say I know much about how CPs and the entertainment business work.

However, I think you are right in saying that most official CPs (and even some who are not - like Kapook and Ciize!! 😉) put up some sort of photoshoots or coupl-y type of activities (either going for dinner/sunset dates or making reels of giving each other beautiful bouquet of flower etc.) are doing a level of fanservice - be it for the fans to squeal over, promoting their upcoming series or to attract engagement to better their work prospects.

But I also feel most of these CPs are genuine friends in real-life and for them, doing these sorts of activities are fun for them. After all, you get to hang out with a close friend whom you cherish, even if you have to put up a photo (or 2) +/- video reels on your social media as an “obligatory post.”

What I do feel somehow sad for the CPs are when fans (+ media outlets) keep asking insistently “what are your plans with so and so?” - I’m pretty sure JoongDunk got asked multiple times these questions leading up to Valentine’s Day. And then asked again during their recent work event on 14/02/25 - what their Valentine’s dinner plan is? What gifts did the boys buy each other? How do you guys show each other your love? (Or something to that effect) - cause I saw Dunk (to his credit he was very professional), answering that Joong’s way to show love is by physical affection while he showed his by cooking/baking with Joong always the first one to taste his food.

Maybe I’m in the minority, but my personal opinion - if the CPs want to tell us, they can do so without anyone else badgering them about it through their social media posts at their own time and choosing.

As for FirstKhaotung (they are also my OTP 😂anon!!!)…I admit I was puzzled when the fans are disappointed about the lack of “Valentine updates” from them.

Firstly, both boys wished the fans “Happy Valentine’s Day” on Twitter (even if First was trolling us with a picture of P’Tha in the middle of him and Khaotung 🤣)

Secondly, both boys posted IG updates of them wishing the other Valentine’s Day with song choices that I could only interpret as love confession to each other… 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

Thirdly, are we all that surprised the boys don’t put up videos/pictures of them giving each other flowers/chocolates? (Or doing couple photoshoots?) - I get the feeling they are just happily nesting in Khaotung’s brand new house with 3 fur babies around them while playing video games after perhaps brunch/lunch + shopping together (cause let’s be honest, that will be their version of a perfect Valentine’s Day).

So , Iike you anon - I am not surprised by the minimal Valentine posts/photos from them (in fact, I was pleasantly shocked the IG posts from them happened at all - which led me into more delulu land hahah)

As for them actually dating another person 🤷🏽‍♀️…who knows. If/when it happens, I’ll cheer them on. However, all I know is that whoever is dating First/Khaotung, will actually be dating them as a set rather than one person 😂. My head canon is that F/K going on a date with someone, and the bestie who is NOT on that date will just tag along anyway 🤸 …

[softgh0stbites]

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊ Time's Embrace

Rating: NSFW smut, angst, emotional angst, frotting + dry humping + fingering + explicit in detail

Pairing: Vincent Valentine x Reader

Word count: 8.7k

Summary: After the tragic end of your friend Aerith, you wonder what time will allow for you. So when you end up in Icicle village with an opportunity to cherish your beloved, you take it, even though it's a fleeting memory.

Notes: I wish I could keep going, but I think I'll burn myself out if I do. Vincent might be a little ooc or progressive in this one with his comfort, but i felt like it was okie given the extreme circumstance. This one is a long read and a little too all over the place for my own tastes— I did do some proof reading and editing, but the longer it got the more I started to not care if any of my sentences were repetitive so I'm sorry if it's sloppy ♡ enjoy~

⋆꙳•❅*°⋆❆.ೃ࿔*:･*❆ ₊⋆⋆꙳•❅*°⋆❆.ೃ࿔*:･*❆ ₊⋆

Time has never been a virtue to anyone, it liked to remind people about that in the most malicious ways. You always thought you had moments, hours, days, years to say all that you wanted— to cherish the people you love.

But when you watched a man descend from the sky and skewer your friend like she was nothing but flesh to be discarded, time ceased to exist. Everything unraveled in slow motion, mockingly, as if you had any power to stop it; As if you could reach out and pull her away. If you had been better, if you weren't weak, if you had a single skill to display— that soft laughter that everyone loved, those gentle eyes, teasing smiles, maybe that hand that always helped you up would still be here.

You knew it wasn't just you who felt this way, more than anyone Cloud was facing the brunt of the cruelty, his shoulders weighed with it. He was the one after all who was standing the closest, weapon raised to strike her himself. That had been terrifying.

You were there. You smelled the copper of her blood, the schlick of the sword being removed from her insides. You watched her eyes flutter openly for a moment, wordless, no smiles, light faded before they closed and never opened again. You could see the copious amounts of scarlet— a color you once harbored with love puddle beneath her, spreading out in a web.

You could hear Tifa's wracking sobs, felt the tears on your shoulder as you tried to console her with your arms while you fell apart too. You remembered the way she looked so serene, as if she was sleeping— wondering...will she wake up?

Your hands trembled when you finally reached Aerith, her skin so pale already, she looked cold. You wanted to cover her up, pretend she was just sick, but your hands and knees were covered in her essence. The red of her ending up on your shirt. You cradled her head softly, lips brushing the top of her head before scrambling away. Her skin was ice cole, no life at all.

You couldn't watch Tifa break apart, the way she cradled the cetra's face so gently, rubbing her cheek as if trying to bring a rosiness back to them.

Cloud took her into the water after that and she sank below slowly, everything about her becoming shadowed by the green water. She would be consumed, left to become bones beneath it.

You remember running from that scene, wrenching yourself from Tifa in a gasp, not wanting to see her drift to the murky depths. You didn't want to let go of her smiling face, her teasing nature, those times you connected over feeling so useless sometimes or so ordinary.

You ran and ran and ran until your lungs hurt and your throat felt raw. On shaken legs you made it back to the temporary camp, the others were there, having stood back to let you find Aerith while watching over your supplies since you were being tailed. The devastation on your face was evident, the blood on your shirt and pants, your panicked expression.

It only took one audible cry to leave your lips and he was there.

Vincent had stepped out from the tent, eyes zeroing in on you with blood, but for some reason you found yourself pushing forward, running until you collided with him. You almost knocked yourself down if he didn't grip you tightly by your arms, he was busy checking over you, gauntlet carefully aside as his other hand lifted your shirt hurriedly to check for wounds until you cried louder,

"It's not mine, it's not—" You gripped your head and almost sank to your knees, you felt his arms embrace you then. You couldn't see the others but you could feel their stare, you could hear the anguish.

"She's gone...." You hands would tighten around Vincent's cloak, your head spinning until you felt like you'd pass out.

Vincent would carefully pick you up and take you inside the tent, like a wounded soldier he would sit you down, kneeling in front of you. He handled you with so much gentleness as you stared wide off into space, you didn't want to think. You felt him around you, slowly gathering some of your stuff, packing up your supplies for you.

No one wanted to stay here.

You left as soon as everything was packed, but you couldn't change out of your soaked clothes so you sat in a corner, legs tucked up under you, head leaning into the wall. You don't remember how long you sat like that, dejected, feeling more sorry for yourself than you could ever imagine possible. Even though Vincent tried to be there for you, you shut him out, didn't make any want for him to be near you.

It took you a an entire day to reach Icicle village, a quaint little place with twinkling lights and blankets of snow. Normally you'd be excited for a new destination, but no one was cheerful— how could they be? You remember everyone shuffling out one by one, it was must more quiet except the idle chatter.

Cloud was no longer really hearing anyone, he was lost in his own head and seemingly Tifa was the only stability you had, but you could see her hands trembling when no one was looking. Barett and Cid were the first to speak up for everyone, their banter sometimes causing everyone to smile even if it felt a little hopeless.

It was like you were running on autopilot, you were numb, unwanting for anything. That was until you settled at an Inn, everyone was exhausted, tired, emotional. Surprisingly there was a few rooms with double beds and a quaint little loft room that would be taken by Nanaki since he insisted he wouldn't need much room to sleep. That meant that Cid and Barret could share a room, Cloud and Vincent, you and Tifa; Although you could tell it was going to be hard to pry the two of them apart with how longingly they held onto each other with their glances. You sensed a snap in their distance, like they hovered closer than before.

You felt Vincent's stare as you glanced away from the two, he spoke up insisting he'd room with you. It was the first time he'd been so forward, requesting anything really. Usually he would go with whatever the group wanted, but your hand tangled in the edge of his cloak told him you needed time. You didn't want to separate and he wasn't going to deny you after you had shut down on him all day.

"Is that what you want? Did you think to ask Tifa?" Barrett settled his gaze on you, flickering between the four of you.

Tifa brought her hand up and smiled meekly, "I-I don't really mind its not a big deal to me—"

"Argh, if she wants the walking funeral in her room, let her be. I'm too exhausted for this, we all are, let's just get some sleep and we'll come back to the drawing board tomorrow." Cid cut her off with a curt exaggeration, pinching his brow and digging in his pockets for a cigarette.

"If we're done," he paused to look at everyone, "I'm going to relax the best way I can, up and at'm." He snapped his lighter shut after lighting the cigarette which caused the front desk lady to glare.

You nodded towards Tifa in thanks which she just smiled through, even though her eyes shimmered with unease. Cloud hadn't moved from his seat on one of the benches, one hand carding through his spiky blonde locks.

When the deciding was done you felt Vincent take your hand as he had done all day, and pull you towards the room. He dropped your things down for you, clearly struggling a bit with how to comfort you, how to be there for you.

Pain was something he knew well himself, but he often swallowed it. He didn't want you to do that, to go through it alone until you closed in on yourself. He had figured you out pretty well over the months, he knew when you curled up on yourself you were thinking the worst thought. But this expression— this blank slate with dried tears and blood on your clothes, it pained.

With a sigh he stepped towards you who were sat in a chair. He leaned over you one hand coming up to caress your hair as he spoke softly.

"Do you want out of those clothes?"

You looked up, the warmth of the sun in his eyes that melted you a little, gave you a small purpose to nod. You didn't want to have this blood on you anymore, you had tried picking off the dried pieces on your arms but it did was fruitless.

He hummed in response gathering a bundle of your clothes from your bag, opening the washroom to reveal an old style wooden tub with copper faucets. With a squeak you could hear the knobs turn and water filling in.

Your hands trembled as you tried to peel off the shirt, but the blood was still there and it made you want to be sick. You grimmanced, but Vincent was there again, his gauntlet set aside and his glove off on his human hand. He didn't think twice about helping you, slipping it off as quickly as possible. His gaze didn't trace any part of you, only focusing on your face, stroking your hair and pulling you towards him when your eyes welled with tears again.

"I'm sorry," you would cry into his chest arms snaking around his waist, "I'm so sorry, I can't pull— I can't pull it together." You would choke out.

You would feel his hand stroke the back of your head, his arm wrapping you tighter, as if holding together all your broken pieces.

"You cry because it hurts," He whispered into your hair, his other hand rubbing circled on your back, "You never have to apologize for that."

Your tears were hot, feeling validated in your situation, you rubbed a hand down your face and pulled back a little. Vincent let you go with ease, brushing your hair from your face, his mouth was hidden by his cowl but you could see by his eyes that he was genuinely worried for you.

"Don't leave," you said, "Don't leave tonight,"

"Of course,"

And that's how you'd find yourself bare naked with him. Nothing sexual permiated the air, just a couple of broken people trying to comfort each other in silence. You were sitting in the hot water, your skin tingling as you scrubbed the soap into your skin harshly.

Vincent was there to pull your hand away, tilt his head at you and begin to wash you himself. He would always murmur, "May I?" Before washing something considered intimate. He worked dutifully but softly on your skin, gazing long and hard at the red spots from where you disturbed it. He would pour water gently over your head, helping to sud your hair, his fingers a little clumsy but you appreciated him for trying.

You would grimace when his hands would hoist your foot from the water, bending at your knees which were scraped to oblivion from tripping and sinking to them. He made sure to carefully wash away the dirt, blowing on the cuts as if someone had once done that for him before.

He had unbundled the cloak so it hung on his shoulders, revealing his face to you. He was nothing short of an angel, your gentle angel with talons who touched you like petals of a flower. He would take the time to massage your calf a little, you would gasp at the pain shooting up your limbs.

"It hurts here?" His fingers lessened their pressure instantly, looking down at you, hunkering into the hot water.

"Mm," You would nod as his jaw ticked, you couldn't tell if he was thinking about you or the events of today. He would make sure to scrub your feet as well, normally you'd find it ticklish, but you were just tired.

After washing you up he would help you out of the bath, offering a towel. He would escape into the other room, letting you dry up and put on your clothes. By the time you finished he was taking off his boots and cloak, slipping out of his vest so he was only in his long sleeve shirt and pants. Your fingers inched to be touching him, taking comfort in this gentle beast before you.

Vincent sat on the bed, his back resting on the head board and motioned with his fingers. You padded over, slipping between the sheets and letting your legs straddle his hips. You tucked your face in your favorite spot, the connection of his neck and shoulder, rubbing your nose in his shirt and inhaling deeply. A warm smell, something so grounding. It was a mix of his ages leather clothes, something earthy like mahogany, and the faint smoke of gunpowder. No matter how many showers you believe he took, he always smelled the same.

"Better?" He probed, his hands trailing up and down your sides slowly.

It was completely dark in the room save for the lantern on the side. This place had electricity, but the lantern was softer, its amber light more cozy. You pondered if he thought of that too when lighting it.

"Mhm." You hummed in acknowledgement, nuzzling closer. At one point in time you would've been elated to be held so close, it was scarce that you got moments like these with him. You could only enjoy it as it was, hoping that the images in your mind would settle for the night.

Time ticked by, your body was tired but your mind was still strung up. You wondered if this was even comfortable for him considering he didn't even move or shift beneath you. He was good at being still, like a statue, if you didnt know any better youd assume he was made of marble.

Another flash of her body floating in the water washed into your mind. You were here, safe, comfortable, and she was in the deep and dark waters of a forgotten city. You let out another sigh of contempt, your fingers tangling in your hair. You didn't deserve to be comfortable right now.

In the silence he spoke again, while untangling your fingers from your hair gently, not wanting you to hurt yourself subconsciously.

"It's not your fault," He would raise your chin with his pointer finger to look at him, his face more expressive without that damn cowl.

How was he so good at reading your thoughts aloud?

You would chew your lip,

"I just couldnt— it was so fast..."

"No one could," He declared, something flashing in his eyes, undechipherable.

He was right, you knew it. There was no point in placing the blame on anyone when it would take away from the real villain of the story entirely. It was his fault, that cat eyed bastard who popped up all over the place. Your teeth worried your lip still, now a little bit in anger, you hated Sephiroth. You hated that he was taking so much from everyone constantly.

He was also tragic in his own way, a hero fallen to ruin, a puppet for Shinra. Like every soldier, every employee.

As you shook out the thoughts, looking back into the crimson that was surveying you, you realized how dream like he was. He was such a kind heart, so gentle with you, always giving you his time and working on himself. He wasn't the most steady, but he was there when you needed him. Sure, he pulled away often and got lost in his self deprecation. Often deluding himself into thinking he wasn't meant to have anything good.

But that made you try harder, because you wanted his whole being to feel like he belonged in the waking world. As cliche as it was, you wanted him to stay because you didn't know what he would do after this mission was over and if everyone lived it, would he just disappear like smoke?

You weakly grabbed at his hair, the strands hanging over his shoulders, his eyes already falling to a close with a sigh as you combed through it. You liked him like this, without his cloak, without his gloves. He was vulnerable with you, a part of you gluttonous for that.

You don't know what enticed the words to fall from your tongue, but in the heat of the moment you spoke anyway.

"I want to forget all of it," your eyes still watering, your fingers clenching in his long locks of hair. Pulling his face towards you; wanting the smell of his sweet breath, "Make me forget, please, that's what I want"

You could feel the hesitation in the air, thick, spiraling between you both as he gauged your emotions. He looked torn between wanting to give you the world and wanting to chastise you, to tell you it wasn't okay.

You whimpered, a mantra of his name falling from your lips with begging,"Please, Vincent, please...." Your mouth inched closer, he didn't pull you away, but held firmly.

Vincent's chest heaved beneath you, shifting you on his lap the more you got closer to his face. His eyes were darting everywhere, from your lips, to your cheeks, your eyes. He seemed a little lost for how to reject you— or to welcome it?

You kissed him softly, your bottom lip catching his upper. The tears on your cheeks mingled in the middle ofthe connection. Your hands gripped his hair harder, tugging at him, wanting him to reciprocate. He didn't so much as part his mouth with a sigh and you wanted to dive in. Every part of him intoxicated you, made you so dizzy you couldn't think of anything but his touch.

He whispered your name, slowly hiking you up further on his lap, hands sliding under the back of your shirt, under your thighs, fingers slaying out as he did so. He relinquished control to you for a blissful moment. A swell of gentle victory arose in your heart, your lips eagerly chasing his that seemed to at least brush back with renewed vigor. You felt your kiss deepen slowly. Your body wanted his mouth to be faster, hungrier, to make your heart resound in your ears. To drown out the cries of the day.

Your back arched into his touch as he slipped his hands back onto your lower back, your chest pressing with his which caused a purr to rumble from him.

Your hands continued to thread in his hair, the silken strands flowing like sharp ribbons through those fingers; Knowing he liked it, you tugged, you often took control of your kisses this way. You would be allowed more access to his mouth, maneuvering his face this way and that to your discretion. You could swallow each breathy sigh and gasp alike, greedily taking all he was offering you. Your body began to tingle, his hands slowing their circles on your back, gripping your hips as you tried to grind down into him. He groaned as you barely misses your mark,

"Behave," He grumbled, his lips pressing into a straight line at your intentions.

"Make me," You countered, wondering if it was okay to test his patience at the moment.

You nibbled on his lip, an act of protesting his grip halting your movement. You felt it only become more firm, keeping your hips from colliding with his. You didn't want to settle or behave, you were sure of this of wanting him all to yourself in this cramped bed.

Although before you could think to beg again to plead your case, he was plunging his tongue inside of your mouth, exploring at his own leisure now. It was like a thin string had snapped, his nails digging into your back a little. Thought it was just for a moment, right as you moaned, before he slid his mouth away.

When you broke for air he trailed kisses over your cheek, down the column of your throat, teeth grazing over your pulse point with a warning. The kisses were too tender, too soft, you wanted more open mouthed kisses on your skin. More of his tongue lavishing your neck instead of your mouth. You wanted him to be feverent and hungry. Everything was going according to your idea, you thought, until he unweaved, grabbing one of your arms gently as you panted. You were clearly a little frustrated.

"It may be best that we wait—" He started, his eyes smoldering, glints of amber and yellow in the dark, lips wet from your tongue and tears. He could see your cheeks almost bulging, sulking.

"Why?" You probed, those intense eyes of your settling on his straightforward.

"Because you're grieving, I don't wish to—"

"So you don't want me like that?" Your voice trembled, your shoulders slumping in defeat. You let go of his hair, hands folding into your lap, the tears welling up again to drip down your face. You were being a bit eccentric, your belly was heated and you were sulking for him putting out the embers. For dowsing you back in the cold of reality.

Vincent let out a whine almost animalistic in nature, pressing his forehead to yours, "You know this is untrue,"

You did. You knew you were being stubborn. Throwing a tantrum most likely, you were acting as a greedy child. But it did little to sway your eyes from keeping their gaze locked on your lap where you hands lay, fingers twisting.

"Look at me, please,"

You shut your eyes tighter. Your name left his lips again, calling for your attention.

You opened them, slowly lifting them under your lashes to find his intensly boring into you with flecks of yellow. It wasn't often you saw the yellow, beastly eyes lurking beneath, but sometimes they made an appearance. You felt a little shy like you had an audience between you two. You saw his yearning, but you also saw how worried he was for you. He was entirely cautious for good reason, he didn't want to break you, bend you, tarnish you in any way.

"There you are," he offered one of his rare crooked smiles, lips curling at the ends in that way you love.

"Your tears are very enchanting, but I dislike seeing you cry," he whispered, leaning forward to press his lips under your eyes, a warm wet sensation following as he licked the traces of your tears away.

Maybe it should've repulsed you, but it was a little comforting. Crying had left your eyes sore, the skin below was dry and the soft sweep of his tongue and a bit of cool breath made all the difference. It was also somewhat bold of him, almost uncharacteristically bold.

It made you ache.

"You make it hard not to protest when you do that," you mumbled, already feeling the mood lighten a little from his shennigans. He was trying to comfort you in his own way.

He chuckled, a sound that didn't reach his eyes as he brushed a thumb along your jaw, "I want when we...", he cleared his throat, suddenly seeming a little bashful.

"Fuck?" You offered, announciating it a bit too sharply which he seemed to wince at.

"Mmh," He pushed on your waist until you were laying with your head against his chest, able to hear the rhythm of his heart.

"When we join," he continued while stroking your hair, you felt all the fight leaving you, "I want it to be because you desire to remember, nothing more and nothing less,"

You sniffle, feeling really silly for your earlier antics but still dealing with that deeply rooted sadness. You wondered if this is what Vincent carried all the time. If it felt so hollow, how did he have the strength to burden himself alone?

You're certain there was something that happened to him so twisted that he wouldn't let you touch him in certain places, wouldn't let you see him without clothes. It was the way his eyes darkened when you asked if it was because it had been a long time since he'd been with someone in general.

To you it didn't matter if he was the virgin Saint Mary or if his body count was in the one hundreds, you just wanted him to feel as comfortable as he made you feel.

Unfortunately he refused reciprocation, sometimes allowing you to make him feel good over his clothes with your hands or hips, but nothing beyond this. You knew he didn't climax once with you this way. You were often interrupted, not really allowed to embellish your desires as you please. You also only ever had cramped places to yourselves where it was hard to touch.

There had been nights during watch together that you lounged in his lap, his fingers gliding under your waistband when you were worked up. He painted these occasions as "Helping you relax".

His fingers would make you fall apart under the stars once more, but it was always hushed, too quick to sink into the desire. You wanted more time—more of him.

As the silence droned on, you became aware of your spiraling thoughts once again, trying to think of anything but what happened in the past day. You wanted to sleep it off, wake up and discover it was all a dream.

"Vincent?"

"Mhm?"

"Do these wounds heal?" You pushed closer to him as if it were possible, he was drawing the covers up around your shoulders. The blanket made your nose itchy, but your body was so exhausted you wouldn't bother lifting you fingers to relieve it.

You could feel the heave of his sigh, "With time,"

A lie, dripping bittersweet, but one that would give you hope.

———- a week passes ———-

You hadn't grown used to waking up to Vincent in a long time. What with Aerith dying, the group finally admitting they needed some rest— you were in a period of welcomed warmth. Cloud busied himself in sidework with Barret, Tifa helped the pub downstairs to help pay for your extended stay at the Inn. You helped out as well, scrubbing tables down, serving food, and sometimes it felt like a part of your old life in Midgar had resurfaced. Though, your memory was a bit hazy with certain details. You couldn't remember what brought you to the city in the first place, just that you ended up there and had to survive.

The sound of the wind howling outside brought you out of your memories. You forgot how still it was when Vincent slept next to you, the steady fall of his chest, his hair sprawled across the pillows. His legs were often longer than the mattress so he often slept with them curled up, looped with yours when you would insist to take more room. You liked waking up before he did because you got to see a side of him no one ever did.

Even when he awoke suddenly in the middle of the night, sweat pouring off of him— he would retreat from you. Like clockwork he would put his walls back up for awhile after, assuring you that you did not need to know what lingered in the crevice of his mind. He would then spend the rest of the night cleaning his weaponry, oiling his gauntlet, or reading— Anything to prevent himself from landing back in the bed with you.

So, you liked when he rested dreamlessly— though that was few and far between.

Your fingers fluttered over his sharp cheekbones, reaching the corner of his eyelids. The first tell of Vincent waking up would be the working of his jaw, his tongue moving around in his mouth, lips parted to breathe in a deep mouthful of air. Often he would keep his eyes closed, just letting you hold his face. But today he opened those carmine eyes just for you, sleep heavy.

His eyes always looked more bleary in the morning, languid and lazy as he took in your face as well. He would usually bring a hand up to graze knuckles over your jaw, his other arm around you pulling you in a bit more. He often made you lay back down, his voice so throaty it made your heart stutter.

"A bit more,"

But you had other plans, you would lean up on your elbow propping your head up. You would study his features still, finger smoothing out the furrow of his brow.

"Has anyone ever told you how hot your morning voice is?" you teased, your finger outlining his jaw, going down to his collarbone and back up. You were basking in the afterglow of a good dreamless sleep.

You were greedy for his affection. You had been going to sleep early almost every night after working with Tifa so often you had time to embrace and then you were drooling on your pillow.

His eyes opened once more at that as you began to shift above him, straddling his hips. You had insisted on borrowing a shirt of his yesterday, using everything to your advantage for your villianous idea to make him lose self control. His hands rested on the top of your thighs, fingers playing with the edge of the shirt, a lingering expression of sleep on his face. His blinks were really slow, eyes wandering over you as if considering letting you have what you wanted. His will was too damn strong though, ignoring your curious glances at his shirt and pants.

You leaned down, brushing your lips to the shell of his ear, "Do vampires get hard in the morning?" You nibbled his ear lobe.

Vincent let out a sound of self contempt, his fingers gripping you more roughly as you sat down harshly right over his bulge. He wasn't rock hard but you could feel him twitching and tensing beneath you already.

He gripped your face between two fingers with a long ardent sigh, a smug look as your face heated up from his bodies reaction. He squished your cheeks together, making your lips jut out. You were losing your bravado as you could almost feel the length of it.

He was big.

He knew it too.

"On second thought, breakfast?" You squeaked out, your lips still pinched between his fingers.

"Mm, but I thought you were offering a delectable buffet?" Vincent pondered, voice thick, his hand drawing your face near.

"After all, vampires are quite insatiable." He drawled, "Silly girl."

You forced your eyes away, glancing out at the snowfall from the window.

"All bark but no bite," you muttered, your blush deepening. You doubt he would take it farther than teasing, even though you'd had alone time recently he hadn't shown that much low restraint. You even tried sleeping with your shirt rocked up around your thighs, sleep shorts forgotten— he looked of course, but never slid his hands any further than the tops of your legs.

In a whirl you found yourself flipped over in your moment of distraction. His forearms caging your head, his legs astride your thigh. Was that his teeth at your jugular? You felt your heart pick up speed when his hot breath ghosted over your throat.He didn't bite down, just lets the prick of his canines indent your flesh ever so lightly— a dangerous little reminder. When he felt you gulp, your throat moving beneath him he removed his mouth, satisfied it seemed with your reaction. Vincent settled his weight onto you carefully so as not to crush you, the spaces between your bodies nonexistent now, his belts pressing into your hips. He was so long compared to you that most times it was a bit awkward, the size difference really made you swoon though.

Your hands gripped his narrow waist, teasing your fingers on the hem on his shirt. Normally this is where he would stop, but he seemed a little delighted to play your game. His eager hands grabbed yours away from his waist, collecting them in one hand and pinning them above your head against the smooth wood of the headboard.

"V-vincent wait—"

He looked up from your throat, sitting up slightly to hover his face over you directly, moving his leg so it parted your thighs. He was waiting as you requested, idly tracing your side with his other hand still covered by his glove. He never touched you with it unless you asked nicely, but you often had to spend a long time getting him to take it off.

You weren't in a patient mood.

He cocked his head, playing the fool, "I'm waiting,"

"I hope that good ol' self restraint is doing you wonders." You bit back a grin, he truly was the best for making you feel giddy. These playful banters were scarce.

This side of him you wanted to keep forever before you had to exit this room for the day When you left it would be back to grunts, sighs and the occasional twitch of his eyes. His thigh shifted abruptly, touching your center and shooting sparks down your spine.

He let out a low chuckle, the sleep in his voice making it deeper as he purred, "No undergarments today as well? You're bold,"

"I'm very thorough in my tactics," You let out breathily, wiggling subtly to get that same friction.

"Oh?" He brought his lips to yours softly, giving you more access to his leg as you shamlessly started to grind against it, "Indulge" a gentle kiss, with a hint of his tongue running over your bottom lip, "Me?"

"Seduction," You whispered, biting his bottom lip, "Foreplay.....Orgasm..."

He waited with baited breath as you moaned, the friction was heavenly, not the same as his hands or his mouth, but the leather on his leg was smooth.

"Mm," He encouraged you wordlessly, letting you grind on him as you pleased. His hand continued to graze over your ribs with his fingertips, pushing the shirt up even more.

"Dont tease," you pleaded

"Says the temptress with tactics," He sighed lazily against your mouth, deepening your kisses, your tongue slipped inside his eager mouth, dancing for dominance. His was winning with all the places he could touch you while your hands were still pinned, making you moan for him, letting you slip.

"I want it," You whined, devastated, hungry. "Want you s'bad," Your voice slurred, drunk on his touch.

He pulled away, almost untangling himself in an attempt to let the flames simmer.

"N-No we don't have to....all the way..." You explained, your eyes wide, begging, "I don't mind not....you know.."

He seemed to relax at that, shifting and letting your hands fall to his shoulders, free. You flexed your fingers, the ache between your legs growing, you werent sure exactly what you wanted to do here but he was staring at you expectantly.

"I wanted to touch you," You admitted, "Maybe....each other..." You face was creeping with heat, you lips became the perfect place for your teeth to tug and bite.

Vincent looked lost in thought, his shoulders tensing forward, "I won't remove my clothes," He said slowly, waiting for you to reject the idea. Reject him. Reject his vulnerability.

You nodded, cupping his cheek, brushing a thumb across it, "That's fine with me, we can go at your pace, always." You affirmed with a kiss to his mouth, pulling him back down to you which he surrenders.

You made sure to give him an out though since you felt a bit irrational, "But if you don't want to, don't force yourself...promise?"

He wordlessly grips your hand with his bare one, sliding your fingers together like he did in the fountain. The gesture was a 1,000 words, a promise without needing clarification.

His hand releases yours to explore, to tease around your stomach. There's no fabric beneath your waist but he still takes his time sliding his hand further down, fingers splayed as if in muscle memory. He was drinking in your heated expressions as his hand finally descends your mound. His middle and pointer seeking out your folds.

Before you can lose courage you also begin to fiddle with the zipper on his leather pants, your fingers tremble.

"Inside or outside the underwear?" You asked with a teasing lilt of your hand palming him through the pants. You noticed his body's reaction immediately. His back tensed, arms quivering.

"Start outside," He bit out, he didn't know if he could hold it If you just reached in and grabbed him in one go.

You just nodded, feeling his head descend to your neck, breaths already heavy. He slid his hand lower taking his time to run both fingers down each side of your folds. You whimpered, hips rolling into those digits. You could feel how sticky and slick you were from having rubbed on his leg, the evidence spread all over your inner thighs.

While he coaxed you with his hands, you pulled the waist of his pants down just slightly, it was resting lower on his hips, your hand able to brush over his underwear now. Oh he was definitely hard, absolutely leaking. Your finger that grazed his clothed cock was damp, the thought warming you up even further.

You heard the low groan come from the back of his throat, face burrowing into your shoulder— Almost pained, like he was straining himself.

"It's okay. I've got you," You coo'd.

His fingers were carefully exploring you still, finding your clit and giving it a gentle pinch. It caused you to gasp, pleasure shooting through your body. Your other hand would rest on his slender waist, rubbing soothingly as you prepared him for more firmer grips. You didn't want to make a move too fast, disrupt whatever pleasure he was feeling just because you loved watching him fall apart.

But you almost couldn't help yourself, maneuvering him in his underwear so it was easier to trail your fingers over his long shaft. You mouth suddenly felt too dry, your tongue thick. What would he taste like?

A feral sound escaped him, he reigned himself in with a harsh inhale, "Be patient, not too hard," He guided your hand to rest at the base of his covered cock. He was groaning in the hollow of your throat, his hips freezing at the simple touch. You licked your lips, heart pounding, fingers flexing over him in a slow rhythm.

He didn't give you time to quip back at him, fingers rubbing you thoroughly now, gliding into the center of your slick heat and growling at how much of a mess was between your legs already.

You cried out, biting into his shoulder, you couldn't afford to be too loud afterall. Your hips rolled with his technique, wanting those fingers to go lower, to dip inside. He knew it well enough, slowing his pace to a torturous stroke. You were a bowstring pulled taught, arching into him regardless of the simple touch.

He hummed in amusement, toying with your clit and running those digits back up and down your center, index and middle finger running lightly over your entrance. He could feel you trying to take the tips of his fingers inside, the pulsing of the hole widening to accommodate. To say it turned him on was an understandment, he could probably peak from fingering you alone.

You whined, pushing closer with your hand on his hips. Your nails were digging into his waist, little marks would be left over. It wouldn't hurt what so ever if you dragged your nails deeper, though he wished you would. You would push against his fingers, moaning when you would successfully cause him to rub your core more intensly, finger tips sinking inside to stroke the warmth.

"Needy little thing," He rasped, raised himself up to your ear, licking and sucking just behind it. In response to this teasing your hand engulfed his clothed shaft, squeezing firmly while stroking faster. His fingers took their time slipping inside of you teasingly, going back up to your clit to rub the mess around.

A broken moan escaped him, his arms shaking as he kept himself upright, eyes fluttering close. You grabbed the tips of his hair, his fingers had stilled their torture so you could tug, pulling him to face you and capturing his lips. He drank greedily from your tongue, almost panting. Just a touch like this and he was spiraling too fast.

You bite down harshly, wanting to make these as yours for the time being. When you pulled apart all that was left was a string of saliva connecting your parted lips. The indent of your teeth prominent, little beads of blood forming there. You should feel bad, you think, maybe a little embarrassed by such a carnal desire to mark him in a place so vivid. He seemed to like it enough, those glowing eyes roaming over you in his shirt, tongue darting out to clean the drops of red from his mouth.

"Slowly," He chastised you with a gasp as you continued to grasp him so firmly, his hand going back to your wrist to slow you down, "I cant think..."

You smiled, kissing his cheeks tenderly. You could see that he was battling the pleasure, his brow furrowing, he always wanted to pleasure you first. It was endearing, but you wanted to make him come.

"I have an idea, let me up." You commanded with another tug to his hair. He complied immediately, letting you rise but having to remove his fingers from you as well. You grimmaced at the disappearance, but pushed him back to the end of the bed with the flat of your palm to his chest, climbing across his lap.

"Like this," You demonstrated with a swivel of your hips, your bare core touching his briefs. His belts dug into your legs but the sting was welcome. It sent electric up your spine as you settled fully into the weight. His hips arched into you, his eyes lidded as you rocked forward. He was biting his lip already, eyes rolling practically as you slid yourself over him with practiced glides.

Oh

Vincent was so hot, you could feel how wound up he was, the throbbing very apparent even in this state. You could feel the length against your clit, making you fall forward a little. Your one hand balanced yourself with his chest, the other cupping his cheek which he nuzzled in it. His teeth scrap over your palm as he nibbled gently. You chased the sensation of those sparks over and over. He looked so vulnerable, so open, overwhelmed. His chest was heaving beneath your hand as you continued, his hands settling on your hips to help you along or to slow you down— you couldn't analyze properly.

You were already panting too, feeling the wetness trailing down your legs as you shivered. It felt so good like this, you wanted so badly for that aching emptiness to be filled but you didn't want to push your luck in asking. The barrier of clothing between you was so wet you swear you could almost feel him bare anyway.

You couldn't help the tears that welled in your eyes, not wanting to scare Vincent you tried to hold them in. The pleasure was so much, his gentle but firm grasp on you was so rooting. How had you never had this before? It was electrifying.

"Do you want to stop?" He was asking you so tenderly, as if letting you know you could and he wouldn't blame you for it.

You answered with a feral kiss, rutting faster. You wanted him to crumble, wanted to see when he experienced bliss.

"Vincent...hah...mm—" was the only thing you could manage— hoping, praying the repsonse would be read into it well enough.

He whispered back, thrusting up as well with small pulses of his hips, "Make yourself the priority, I can hold." His voice was measured, each word lingered with a soft sigh each time you connected below.

Your heat soared, looking down into his eyes, fingers clenching in his shirt.

"Please, don't hold, let go...please..." You begged, not caring if you sounded needy. Just the thought of making him come was making your release climb. So you leaned up and away to add more pressure to his cock. You wouldn't accept anything less for him, you wouldn't let him deny himself.

You were babbling, a blush creeping over your cheeks as you looked down on him, "I want to see it...when you come for me," You leaned bafk down to kiss him again.

Those perfect lips colored slightly darker red than your own were too irresistible. You loved kissing him, every kiss was sweet. Was it always this addictive before though? You couldn't remember a time where you yearned for lips against yours so heavily. You could devour them day and night.

Vincent's hands came up to tangle in your hair, holding you there like you were his oxygen. Gripping you in place, ravishing your lips in equal measure as you gave yourself over to every desire you had.

You could feel his hips stuttering, losing rhythm with you.

"You're so good to me, Vincent, so sweet," You praised into his mouth as he hissed, his body seizing after that like it was too much. The mess between you two was splattering against his abdomen, an obscene sloppy sound coming from your grinding hips.

"I cant hold, please," He ground out the words, his jaw clenched as he reached for one of your breasts, hand cupping it. "You first,"

He leaned up on one of his elbows, moving the shirt so it was at your neckline and took the flesh inside of his mouth. He pulled it taut with his teeth, knowing you liked him to be a little rough with this area.

You were losing as quickly as you started this game of tug and war. You keened, slick dripping all over him as you picked up the pace with fervor. He was busy with the nipple in his mouth, teeth clamping down again with a harsh suck.

You cried out as it hit you suddenly, you could equate it to seeing static when you got dizzy. All your sensitivty went straight to the hunger between your legs, growing as you came. Your hips were not longer able to handle being upright, almost slumping forward into him. He growled and pushed you down harder, hands adjusting you to where he needed you— rubbing against you to chase his own release which wasn't far behind. You fell into his arms deeper, his mouth next to your ear.

You could hear every groan, every whimper as he chased pleasure with your soaking core. You were still trembling, the prices of white hot pleasure lingering as he overstimulated you. You cried into his shoulder, lips pressing hot kisses there.

"Just like that," You mouthed into his collar, "Feels so good,"

With a final trail of kisses to his mouth he tensed, hips rocking once, twice, three times in a quick succession of snaps. He called out your name so sweetly even with that raspy voice, dripping with desperation as he came.

Your breaths mingled as you soaked in his pleasure. The hot material underneath you grew even warmer, sticking to your skin.

He was shaking harder than you had, eyes rolling up, he looked so blissed out. It was like all the weight of his troubles disappeared for that moment, his body becoming soft and pilant as you stroked his abdomen over his shirt. Your voice cooing gently as his torso kept spasming along with the muscles in his legs.

You felt him tugging you down, naturally wanting to feel the press of your chest, the undeniable race of your heartbeats that gave him a sense of calm. He couldnt get close enough, burrowing his face in your neck with a cry. You could feel those hot tears streak over your skin. He was downright crumbling.

"Hah— fuck— nnnh." He was still shivering, you could feel the hot dampness of his come sticking to his underwear. You didn't move, not wanting to push him over too far. It seemed like he was overwhelmed with the pleasure of it all, looking a little lost so you just let him hold you close through the throws of it.

"You did so well, just let it happen, its okay," You reassured, kissing his head, taking one of his hands from your waist and lacing your fingers together.

"Hmmm," He hummed, closing his eyes and trying to steady his breaths as you began to coax his hips to move slowly from their stillness, drawing him back down to you in a relaxing way. Letting him ride out the high as he needed too even if it stoked the embers inside you once more. You knew he probably wouldn't be able to handle another right now.

"That's it," You murmured, gently brushing his hair from his face. You waited there, the silence stretching. Nothing but the sound of Vincent's idle gasps, throaty moans. When his hips finally stopped shivering you made sure not to press down on him again, keeping your weight on one of his legs instead.

He was still squeezing his eyes shut so you stroked a thumb over his cheek encouraging him to open. When he did you smiled so brightly, a happiness surging within you, you had finally had an experience together. You were elated.

"Are you okay?" You mused.

"Are you?"

You both asked each other, your lips twitching with the humor of it all. You leaned further onto his chest.

"Never better," You could feel, however, the quickly cooling release on your thighs. It was technically a mixture of your own and his. You didn't mind though, you didn't want anything to pull you apart right now.

You could see his mind spiraling, a look of shame in his eyes that wouldn't disappear. You quickly covered his mouth with your hand as if knowing he was going to ruin it with something incredibly ridiculous about himself.

He reached up to peel the fingers from his mouth but you insisted.

"Don't think about anything, you were perfect, all of it.." Your lopsided smile coming into play, "I came just from seeing your expression..." You admitted, shyly. You let him remove your hand finally, his eyes searching yours for any traces of regret.

Vincent let his fingers brush your hair stuck to your face away, "You'll be the death of me," the corner of his lip twitched but you could see the relief in his eyes. He kissed your palm, a gesture of affection that made your toes curl.

With a groan he started to sit up and you held on tightly, your bodies were slick with sweat and to your embarrassment a lot of your fluids.He looked at his drenched lap with something of pride, your cheeks growing darker. You could easily see the staining white from you all over his black clothing.

"Let's clean you up," He suggested instead, leading you off the bed with a hand but pausing to gain his balance. His legs were a little jelly like, his other arm reaching out to lean on the bed post. That made him feel just as shy as you, with the way his ears went scarlet. You giggled behind a hand, standing up beside him and tugging him towards the bath.

"We'll practice," You promised, eyes alight as he watched you remove the shirt from your body, "You'll get used to it, I'll make sure of it," His gaze was locked on the center of your thighs, the dripping arousal, his eyes glowing.

"Mm, careful."

And then you were whisked into the bath where you were awarded another taste of his fingers and teasing. You wondered how it could get better than that.

But time was still ticking regardless of your little bubble of happiness. You would have to step out of it soon, but in the moment you relished him.

[mrkizen]

wrote smth for his bday and then he posted these pics i went insane i fear...

"i miss you." jaehyun says softly through the speaker.

"i miss you." you respond.

typically his birthday would've been celebrated with you and few of his friends. but here you were, a phone pressed up to your ear, a smile small plastered across your face. while jaehyun lay in a slightly comfortable bed, staring at the ceiling.

birthday's should be well celebrated, but trust, next year would be better than ever.

the space in your bed seemed to be larger than normal. the sheets going on for what seemed like miles. you truly longed for him. though it had only been 4 months since you two were ripped from one another's arms, it felt like 4 years.

"happy birthday, baby."

a small laugh was heard from him, something you missed dearly. "thank you, for the tenth time."

"i can't wait till you get a chance for vacation."

"me too...i miss your face," jaehyun says, sighing dramatically loud. "i miss everything about you.."

the both of you share a small laugh, the slight awkwardness making it oddly comforting. jaehyun continued to talk about everything and nothing at the same time, but you let him.

7 was rolling around soon. meaning only an hour remained before jaehyun would have to turn in his phone for the night.

"damn. i could listen to your voice forever." you compliment. the way he talked so softly to you, and low—not to mention how many people were asleep.

"i need you in my life for eternity," jaehyun battled. you could just imagine him grinning at his words.

"can't believe i haven't fucked that pretty pussy in four months." he whined, barely above a whisper.

"what did you say?" a curious tone to your voice. deep down you knew what he said, but for him to repeat it wouldn't be too bad.

"you heard me." he said lowly.

silence filled the call, only your breaths along with his alternating one another. his slowly became more labored as you took notice. a low wet sound emitted from his side and a wide smile plastered across your face.

"keep going," you suddenly say.

"hm?"

"it's okay, birthday boy. i won't judge you for missing me." you purr, a small tease in your voice.

"fuck, y/n i miss you so bad, i can't...help myself." jaehyun whined, the sounds he couldn't contain growing louder. heat pooled between your thighs due to this.

this would be the first time you would have had come, on a phone call. despite that, your free hand slid down your leggings, running your finger between your folds. your stomach tightened, closing your eyes, using his sounds to let yourself free.

slowly, you inserted two fingers into your warm core, whining at the sensation. damp panties against the back of your hand, eyes tightly shut as you fasten your pace with no rhythm.

"jae.." a desperate cry comes out. the noises he made so dulcet to your ears. his low voice in your ear—like he was practically right next to you.

"so close, are you?" jaehyun increases his speed, unable to form words anymore, just small grunts pouring out.

you mutter a small response.

you moan, lowly, continuing to fuck yourself with your fingers. knowing it could never compare to how he could have you. you throw your head back in frustration, moans growing to high pitched whines, climaxing hard against your fingers.

jaehyun was soon to come after, the sounds of you reeling him to the edge. he could not wait for the second he was able to have himself inside you again.

"god i wish i could have you."

"next year."

"i'll be waiting."

[softxsuki]

Hi! May I request a Valentine's letter from Gojo Satoru, Jujutsu Kaisen, for a fem!platonic reader? The reader is a civilian. I would prefer if he addressed the reader as "my friend" instead of using her name. I want the letter to be bittersweet and angsty, sort of like him saying goodbye and apologize for not getting in touch with her for so long (cause, well, he was sealed, so) . I imagine he wrote the letter after he got unsealed and before fought Sukuna because he lowkey hinted at the fact that he knew he was going to die. Well, yeah, something like that.

Please and thank you in advance 🫶

Goodbye Letter from Gojo to His Friend

This event is now CLOSED, but you can view the masterlist for the other letters here.

| Pairing: Gojo x Fem!Reader (platonic) | Genre: Just devastation really| Post-Type: Letter | Word Count: 640 |

Warnings: heart wrenching angst, spoilers for people who aren’t caught up to the manga! Bad ending …

Note: I’m seeing a trend where you all want me to cry and suffer while writing these…who hurt you guys this year 😭

You sigh, checking your phone for what felt like the millionth time.

Did you do something wrong? Was he okay? It had been over a month since you last heard from Gojo, and you couldn’t help but worry. He had let you in on the world he lived in; the reality of curses and sorcerers and the like–but it had answered so many unanswered questions you had about things. He was someone who kept you safe, made you laugh, and who you could trust with your life.

The strongest. That’s what he had called himself…so he had to be fine. Right?

What went wrong? Where was he? Why hadn’t he reached out to you?

You get up and decide to check the mail, better get moving to distract your mind than rot with these haunting thoughts. You open your door and collect the contents of your mailbox, closing the door and throwing yourself back on your couch.

Bills, bills, student loans, bills, spam…and a letter from…Gojo?

Your heart stops and you sit up a little straighter, discarding the other envelopes to the other side of the couch, quickly opening the letter;

My Precious Friend,

I’m sorry for keeping you in the dark for so long. Did you miss me? It’s moments like these where I can’t help but think of you. You’re doing well aren’t you? Perhaps writing this is a bit selfish of me…but I felt guilty just disappearing on you. I wish I could get the chance to tell you what happened in person…but let's just say I was stuck somewhere for a bit and just finally got free. 

By now, my fate is probably already sealed. As I write this, I’m off to face my greatest challenge yet. A challenge I felt confident about facing before, but things are complicated now. You’ve been a dear friend to me, you tolerated my dramatics and laughed with me, listening to me moan on and on about those damn elders…so thank you for being a better friend than I could have ever asked for.

I guess I wrote this to you to help you move on? As much as I’d like to keep my friend all to myself…If I haven’t shown up at your door by now, then it probably means I can’t…Am i spilling too much about this to you? Maybe, but I need you to know. 

Don’t wait for me anymore.

I hope only for your safety and happiness, that’s all. My friend…my lovely, wonderful friend. One of the few who have been a true friend to me, please stay well.

This is goodbye, until we meet again one day, hopefully.

Love, 

Satoru :3 

You couldn’t control the sobs escaping your lips. What happened to being the strongest? He was supposed to be undefeatable? Why?? Why had he left you all alone?

It was obvious that he was gone from this world. He should have been back by now if he was okay, smiling at you and teasing you like he always did.

Would you ever learn the truth behind why he left? Why he was gone? Would you never see him again?

Your heart felt empty. Your anxieties for the past few weeks had all been accurate in worrying. You should have left to look for him yourself…but then what? You were a normal human, no cursed energy, no super strength, nothing…Why couldn’t you do more for your friend who had done so much for you?

“Goodbye Satoru,” you choke out, hot tears running down your face. A small part of you couldn’t help but hope that one day you’d see him again. Whether it be in this life, in the next life, or in the afterlife, he was your friend. Yours. And no one would replace the mark that he left in your life.

Posted: 2/14/2025

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

(tw for alcohol use, feel free to ignore if it might be a trigger for you)

I think I might have an alcohol problem. I don't drink daily, but usually 2-3 times a week and it's heavy enough to make me stumble a little most of the time. I can never just have one drink. It was once just for fun but now it's also helping me cope with shit going on in my day to day life, and to pop open a few beverages at the end of a long day is something I look forward to immensely, so much so that I find myself drinking more than I originally intended, or I'll have some days with repeated thoughts of just popping open a cold one and getting very drunk. I'm trying to limit my consumption so I don't become an alcoholic, but it's hard when life is cruel and alcohol makes me feel so light and carefree. I don't know what to do, and I'm not asking for advice so much as a listening ear. I have a family history of substance abuse on both sides and I'm kinda scared right now. But when I can drink at the end of the day I feel like for a while everything's good and I love that respite in my life, when I don't have to deal with all the shit people throw at me. I wish I at least had a friend to drink with and socialize, but Im always drinking alone in the middle of the night and hoping to feel floaty and numb. It's hard to deal with. I'm going to hold out hope for the future though and know that life will go on. Trying to remember that I'll get out of this (and the sooner the better so I don't become dependent, if I'll listen to my own conscience) fortunately it hasn't impacted my life (yet) other than just spending a little too much on drinks or drinking one more than I should.

Sorry for the long ramble but thanks for reading if you have <3

I struggle with addiction myself (though not to alcohol) and here's a couple things I've learned along the way:

Even considering that you might be an addict is a really important and hard first step to take. I'm proud of you!

Addiction isn't limited to having a physical dependency which requires daily upkeep. There is also the concept of psychological addiction, which is more about how and why you engage with a certain substance than whether you're physically dependent on it yet. And refusing to face the question of addiction because you don't drink/do drugs daily will only escalate the issue.

It's easy to end up thinking that if you could just learn to drink/do drugs in a less unhealthy way, you can keep drinking/doing drugs. But once you've started using a substance as a coping method, it is very hard and often impossible to successfully go back to only using it recreationally.

Addiction is a coping method in most cases. This means that your challenge isn't just to drink less, it's to figure out why you're drinking and how to face and resolve the underlying issues that alchohol currently helps you cope with. It usally isn't as simple as just not drinking anymore when you aren't drinking for fun.

Addiction isn't a moral failure and it doesn't reflect badly on you as a person. It's a coping method that you have a genetic predisposition towards, not a sign that you're an unusually bad, weak, immoral person. And regardless of whether you're in active addiction, trying to recover or managing sobriety, your value and worth as a person is the same.

[venus0fl0v3]

Thank you for tagging me @caramelc0rgi !

What's the origin of your blog title?

I wanted a name ive never used online before so i picked the name of an oc i had when i was a kid and added of love because venus is the planet of love

Otp's + shipname

Since August last year, Cherik ❤️❤️ and before that hmm, the fandoms i was in were kinda dying down but i guess johnshi from mortal kombat or cageblade

Favourite colour?

Purple 💜

Favourite Game?

Probably Animal crossing i dont rlly play any other games, Minecraft is also fun. Story wise i think sally face, Or Mk1 the new one (ive never played it but i watched the story mode 🫣)

Song stuck in your head

They not like us by Kendrick lamar

Weirdest habit/trait

I talk to myself a lot but i feel like thats normal.... i hope.. i also break out into a British accent a lot too idk why..

Hobbies

Drawing, reading, walking (with headphones on and music going) just other crafts in general like scrapbooking and painting

If you work, what is your profession?

I graduated highschool recently so right now i just work in retail 💪

If you could have any job you wish, what would it be, realistically?

I have two sides, one wants to be an actor because i think i would be good at it and it sounds fun. The other wants to be a world known activist that influences heaps of people in the right direction because someone needs to do it 😭 🙏

Something your good at

Drawing

Something your bad at

Math, it stresses me outtt

Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff

X-men, specifically the characters Charles xavier and Erik Lehnsherr

Something you forget

birthdays, im terrible at it

Whats your love language?

Buying gifts, or just paying for things in general. Dont have enough for a drink, here let me.

Favourite show/movie

My favourite movies are probably the xmen movies, the greatest showman, the alien movies!!

Favourite tv shows are You (netflix) Friends, the big bang theory and Lucifer.

Favourite food

Pasta

Favourite animal

Dogs? I guess, cause i have one shes the best, but an animal that isnt a pet i would say crocodile their fucking cool.

What were you like as a child?

Surprisingly confident, i wanna say loud too...

Favourite subjects at school

Art but just the class time drawing and talking to my friends. I didnt like what they taught us. And English, that was an interesting subject.

Least favourite subject at school

Math, i probably would have liked it more if my teachers werent so rude or words i cant say on tumblr

Best character trait

Hmm i would like to think that i am very self efficient, like, im always trying to be a better version of myself.

Worst character trait

I keep a lot of my complaints quiet, if someone did something that upset me i will not tell them. Although im trying to get better at that i feel like im progressing

If you could change anything in your life right now, what would it be?

I would like to change where im at financially, which is very possible i would just like it to happen a bit easier lol

If you could travel in time who would you like to meet

Charlotte Brontë (Author of Jane Eyre) but only because im currently reading Jane Eyre and i had this thought literally yesterday of damn i wish i knew what she was thinking when she wrote this. Because Jane is such a relatable character

Tagging!!

@wishchip106 @vanodka

Get to know your mutuals: tag game

thank you for @mapofyourstars and @ashestxr for tagging me 😊😊

What's the origin of your blog title?

when i was a teenager being a closeted pre-transition trans guy i felt really invisible and like i didnt fit in anywhere, a "ghost". and 512 is the name of a song i listened to a lot at the time. nowadays i find the url a bit cringy but im too lazy to change it lol

OTP(s) + Shipname:

honestly at the moment i only care about cherik haha but i appreciate raven x emma and logan x ororo as well :)

Favourite colour:

black for clothes, pink for literally anything else i own

Favourite game:

i have 1500 hours of stardew valley on steam lol. its an absolute obsession. it comes in waves tho, like twice a year ill get hooked on it again and create a new farm to achieve perfection on. other than that, i really loved playing undertale and graveyard keeper.

Song stuck in your head:

this is kind of embarrassing but atm im a bit obsessed with daisy by ashnikko (the ft. hatsune miku version).... I LIKE BETTER MUSIC TOO I SWEAR

Weirdest habit/trait?

pacing around my apartment thinking abt my current obsessions... i used to be so embarrassed but ive come to find out lots of people do this too so thats fine i guess

Hobbies:

reading and playing games, mostly. ive been trying to write more lately too

If you work, what's your profession?

ESL teacher. its not the coolest thing in the world but i really enjoy it

If you could have any job you wish, what would it be? Realistically?

literature professor in uni/published author

Something you're good at:

(literally the same thing ashe, who tagged me, said) i believe im a pretty good writer despite being slow and not doing it that often lol

also i know im a very good teacher (i know its my job so duh but youd be surprised with some of my coworkers...)

Something you're bad at:

keeping secrets, especially my own 😭😭😭

Something you love:

cats, wine and contemporary brazilian literature

Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff:

why i love charles xavier so much and queer/feminist theory.

Something you hate:

uhhhhhh idk my ex i guess (happy valentines day!)

Something you collect:

hello kitty merch 😌😌😌

Something you forget:

dates and appointments, its so fucking bad i put everything on a calender above my desk and i still manage to forget them sometimes

What's your love language?

im very touchy and affectionate but i also love acts of service, like surprising people with small gifts (i believe thats part of acts of service?)

Favourite movie/show:

my favorite movies are xmen fc, dofp and xmen II (obviously) but also amelie poulain and fried green tomatoes

my favorite series are breaking bad and the office, ive watched them both multiple times

Favourite food:

chicken!!!! fried chicken, roasted chicken, chicken with pasta, chicken with rice and beans, chicken with mashed potatoes, give me!!!!!!

Favourite animal:

i was OBSESSED with cheetahs as a child, still love them but in general rn id say cats. also love monkeys

What were you like as a child?

a very idealistic dreamer with a bit of a savior complex (hello charles xavier). not the sharpest social skills.

Favourite subject at school?

in high school it was english just because it was so fucking easy bc i was fluent lol

in uni any of my literature classes

Least favourite subject:

hated physics in hs i was so fucking bad at it. and in uni i'd had ENOUGH of pedagogy classes they were soooo boring and repetitive

What's your best character trait?

im very honest and if i love you i will do anything for you

What's your worst character trait?

probably snapping at ppl sometimes. i know its terrible but i really try not to and i always apologize. up until last year also i always let ppl treat me like shit and didnt set boundaries. im unlearning that now.

If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be?

have enough money to only focus on my studies and not have to work lol

If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet?

maybe kim jonghyun. he was my favorite singer when i was younger and he passed away in 2017 :( he was such a great person :(

im not sure who has already been tagged in this but ill tag @caramelc0rgi , @foxherder , @disasterhals , @eriknocherikyes , @stinkrat-aleks , @mooniel, @eriksdefender and any other moots who'd like to do this!

[icewindandboringhorror]

I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

-

(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )

[weezerlvr228]

hi fam !!

[spocks-kaathyra]

.

[mbat]

honestly my biggest wonder about yesterdays drama was like... who even was that? not the person being called out, but the one calling them out. like, its one thing to make a throwaway to make a callout post, but to go on anon and try to pull unrelated people into it? this was clearly someone still in the taleblr server since they had screenshots from literally the same day in their callout

this isnt me taking sides because genuinely i have more important things to worry about than all that, but its different when it comes to this person because like... i just thought yall were different than that? maybe we all dont totally consider eachother friends entirely but i liked to think we were all somewhere around there for the most part

theres only so many of us and we all try to stay chill (to more or less success) because like... theres probably less than 100 of us left, and we're all adults by now as far as i know, and i know age doesnt really equal maturity, but its just so immature to try and stir drama by messaging unrelated parties.

honestly even if the person told me in private who they were its not like id make shit worse by posting about them or something because, again, i have bigger things to worry about, im just curious at this point. its not even an obligation for them to come forward, im just admitting that im curious.

if anything all i have to say is be the bigger person and block and move on when you dont like someone or something someone did. i get that you saw stuff that you found gross and you wanted everyone to feel the same way you did, but the rest of us just want to live our lives. plus i think the people that were messaged arent even in the discord so it was honestly even weirder to do that

ive had my fair share of seeing things that made me feel gross to see or read or know about, like, seriously i found out one of my friends was a pedo last year (and i promptly blocked the cunt). but it doesnt do anything to pull other people into the mess and try to start shit.

basically, just be more mature, cause i know yall are better than that. you dont have to read fics that you dont like, and you dont have to interact with people you dont like. your online experience is yours and the best option is always to block and move on. ive had my fair share of drama, and all it does is ruin peoples days, and not much else.

my biggest point, honestly, is that this is such a small fandom and i dont want whats left to come crashing down because some drama makes everyone left hate it here. i dont care whos right or wrong because literally whatever its internet drama, i just dont want this community to die out.

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[girlivealwaysbean]

it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy